11:57 a.m. ~ 2003-11-29
rose land

i love manhattan, but i will never ever be a city girl. too spastic. not enough coordination because thats what it takes to get around there. attempted to get to a friends apartment and it took about 3 calls to figure out i was walking the wrong way in the pouring rain.

and then, on the way to the show i was confident that the venue was located at 58th and second...and then remembered it was really on 52nd and broadway. 5 blocks in the pouring rain.

we need to talk

christian pages me, already inside the roseland. not tonight the weather pretty much matched my mood exactly but its my own fault.

i was soaked, distressed and late so i walked right by jeffrey standing outside, bad scalped ticket. i was a little upset because we've been having conversations of giving space and i knew it bothered him i was going to a show without him. i knew it bothered him that he did not know the specifics of my evening, the who what where where how. so, he drove in with christian, who kept repeating we need to talk

not tonight

once there they scalped tickets, the one jeffrey bought was fake and he told christian to go inside, he would wait for me and then figure out a plan. because my friend wasnt coming to the show with me, that left one extra ticket on my debit card so jeffrey and i were in.

brand new was on, they had just opened up and emofrizzball they were fantastic. definitely put on a great show live. played a cover of "teenage dirtbag" which used to be in heavy rotation on my cd player year 200-0.

now once inside, chris never answered his phone, stuck in the mosh pit or whatever. came out disgusting but smiling. we were all thirsty and 6 dollar beers are no way to get where you want to be.

on the way back to s.i. we played random cds and once the song was picked you had to sing, if you knew the lyrics or not. made the time pass quickly, made the passengers in other cars laugh at three 21+ people rocking out with air drums and fist microphones.

met some friends at the bar, but sat at the table for three. i dont think anyone would have really wanted to sit near us anyway, we looked like hell, no forgiveness.

had a few very in depth conversations at the bar. top 5s of music, worst nights, best nights, breakups, songs this year, put down lines, influentual movies. of course, high fidelity was on all of our top 5s.

i think i drank a pitcher by myself. so did christian. jeff was tired, his drunk was ruined when he found out his ticket was fake and wasnt in the mood. fuck that, i know i was.

at one point i went to the bathroom and christian went to the bar and grabbed my arm and asked if i knew that he needed to talk to me. yeah, my mind quickly went through everything that could have been so pressing: jeff knows something happened between us, someone found this diary, something work related, something happened to his roomate. but i would wait, find out later.

when we walk to our cars he held up his phone and flashed a sign that meant he would be by my house when i called to let him know i was home, and jeff was not with me.

first things first, wet clothes came off the minute i stepped inside the house. i had been soaking wet since 6 o'clock and could not stand the feeling of my socks squishing around in my shoes for one more second. changed into pjs and a sweatshirt, called christian and he was already outside.

i know i wrote about the way he knows how to comfort me. i stepped outside and he held up his pinkie, a code that whatever he wanted to talk about was to be kept between us, only us. i linked mine with his and from that he whispered c'mere and hugged me. pressed his lips against my ear and asked if i was ok. what was wrong with me lately. for a moment, i didnt say anything. it was hard to concentrate. nobody holds me like that.

we talked in his car for almost two hours, the closure i needed for so many months, he needed as well. when i was getting out, the kiss goodbye could have been on the lips or the cheek. i turned my head so it was the corner of my mouth. and then grabbed his face and kissed him hard on his cheek, to reassure the avoidance of his lips was intentional. no more second thoughts okay.



take a glimpse back
- - 2003-12-01
rose land - 2003-11-29
this is easy as lovers go - 2003-11-26
closed for repairs - 2003-11-24
you spin me right round baby, right round - 2003-11-23

classicism ~ futurism

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Lyrics written for me today: i said i've got to be honest, you're wastin your time if you're fishin round here


On my wishlist: a phone locater beeping...thing. where is it?!


Next concert: top 5 bands i would like to see next...


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