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1:51 a.m. ~ 2003-06-18
i just close my eyes and im anywhere but here, until your voice brings me back again i just looked away and silently wished for the food to come, or the waiter to offer a refill on our drinks. anything that would provide a distraction from our conversation. im just tired of arguing. every word that comes out of my mouth is challenged or disputed. he wonders why i dont talk to him anymore, well, because its too damn tiring. every subject, every aspect of a subject mentioned, every viewpoint is brought into question if it does not directly agree with his own. i cant say a word without it being shot down, picked up and then analyzed for everything that is wrong with it. im sick of having every conversation turned into a debate. i do not like to argue. i dread hearing the words "no, listen to this..." and then it starts. why im wrong, and then miscellaneous crap used to back up whatever his opinion is. good, thats your opinion, stop trying to make it mine. but we never fight over anything with real importance pertaining to our relationship. its always something that should be conversational, but nothing is safe anymore. sometimes i feel like he is more my babysitter than somebody i date. the way he takes a condescending tone, when he watches me at the bar to monitor how many drinks i have, and the daily interrogation about who i saw that day, what we did, where we went and i better not have had more than 2 drinks because hes not around to watch. and he wonders why we dont talk anymore.
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