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1:43 a.m. ~ 2003-07-18
dont be shy since last thursday i think the flowerpot and i have spoken less than 10 words to each other. voice mail tag. this is bothering me so much. we used to talk everyday, multiple times a day. im sad that need to seems to have worn off. i know we've come a long way from where we first started to where we are now, but i cant help but miss feeling like if we didnt talk, then our day wasnt complete. now, days can go by and we wont talk at all. but if i stay away long enough, i get a phone call that brings me back and im hooked again. sometimes im scared that phone call wont come and we will just drift further apart, and other people will just coast right in. replaced. distanced. paranoia, paranoia, everybody coming to get me... see? this is what happens when i feel insecure. my mind plays dirty tricks on me. the both of us are busy. until otherwise notified, nothing is wrong, and nothing is wrong with me. i never listen to myself. tomorrow night i think i will get myself royally effed up. todd got promoted at his job and a celebration is in order. i promised you guys pics and will definitely take some. i photograph quite nicely while intoxicated. no, not really but im sure it will be good for some laughs. thinking of inviting jon out with us. but talking to him is like stepping on eggshells lately. he has a thunderstorm personality and an icy way about him if his mood isnt right. the first night i invite him out with friends i dont want them to get the wrong impression. most of the time, hes sweet and extremely caring and attentive to your feelings. first impressions stick with you though, and the conversation tonight was...different. no warmth, just yes's and no's. i know when he just needs to be left alone. i want sleep but im not quite tired enough yet. i dread laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. away messages stare at me from my buddy list and theres no way im leaving another voicemail. my screename is btweenthebars. feel free to distract me.
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