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12:42 a.m. ~ 2003-08-02
ok, im leaving for real this time jeffs brother is picking us up at 6am but i cant sleep right now. nervous and excited about leaving tomorrow. packing is finished even though i know i forgot numerous crucial items and will remember them as the pilot reminds us to fasten our seatbelts for takeoff. i never did call the flowerpot. and i dont know why. i miss him alot and...but...i just cant seem to pick up the phone and dial his number to completion. im so fucking weird sometimes. expect numerous entries to come after vacation where i mentally kick myself for not calling. i reason that i still do care for him because it bothers me we dont talk more often. on the other hand i do not know what to make of my reluctancy to be the one to call him. why doesnt he ever call? does he miss me? do the same songs remind him of me? why doesnt he ever call? i cant sleep. jeff bought me a david sedaris book to read on the plane. hes good like that. i think i packed every cd, pair of shorts, and AA battery i could find lying around my room. im OCD like that. i always begin to think that i might need something and wont have it while im away. so i just pack everything, even stuff i dont use while im home. finally got a hold of christian today, or rather, he got a hold of me through texting while i was at work. the rest of our anticipated warped tour crew will not be attending the show so he will be taking my extra ticket. i havent seen him since henrys party and i wonder where exactly in the cycle of friendship and prospective hook-up him and i stand. sometimes i wonder what i prefer. he informed me that he bought tickets to the dashboard show jeff and i are attending. he doesnt even like dashboard. hes so fucking weird sometimes. im going to attempt sleep again. see you in a week.
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