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12:14 a.m. ~ 2003-08-14
it made sense a minute ago recently informed that the dashboard show we have tickets for is the same show where brand new is opening up. 5th times a charm right? we're leaving at noon that day. during my last two days off, the majority of my time was spent doing some post-vacation recovering. then went out for drinks tonight. keith said something that made my head snap up. we were talking about his relationship or lack of one when it comes to his california girl valerie and he called her a "safe bet", and then he said "like in your case" my case? i assumed he was referring to jeff and let him go on talking about having someone to fall back on and come home to after your day is done. safe bet. safety net. these terms usually get attatched to those people in your life that make up the filler. not the ones that stand out, not the ones that keep you awake at night. talking to or dreaming about or both. safe bets are the ones that we turn to because they're the only ones still standing there. i found it surprising he saw jeff as that and wondered if anybody else thinks that too. call me a safe bet, im betting im not sometimes a safe bet is a hard thing to imagine, or count on. people eventually grow tired. nobody wants to feel like somebody else's spare tire. theres a big different between comfort and convenience. no matter how i tried to work in out in my head, a defense for our relationship was something i just didnt have the energy or focus to produce. i dont deny there is a level of dependancy, definite comfort, and some assurance when it comes to my relationship with jeff, but breaking points exist. either we havent reached ours yet and im denying something that makes me too sad to face, or we're just fine and i dont recognize what we have, reliance not dependence. i dont think im saying what im trying to say here.
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