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7:47 p.m. ~ 2003-07-10
no service well i have been talking to christian the past two nights, IMing back and forth. discussed AFI's top 100 movies. real pressing stuff you know. and each night i would urge him silently in my head to ask me to hang out, meet up, come over, something. i missed his page last night to do so because my phone was in my bag, not on my windowsill (the only place it will get reception in my room). i quit. keith invited me out with some friends to go to a bar, players place. christian's favorite wensday hangout. and it was for that reason i had to say no. i wasnt in the mood to act friendly for the benefit of the strangers that would be surrounding us nor was i about to engage in a serious toned conversation while shots of jack daniels are passed our way. so dont be a liar, dont say that everythings working when everythings broken. and you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor and your eyes say the jokes on me so i can wait. at least we're talking. and the conversations, text messages are initiated by him. but i worry thats as far as he will take it. do just enough to get by so im left with the notion he will want to tell me whats going on and hes left with a way out of doing so. im kept at arms length. after mondays broken plans, me asking him is highly unlikely. just the way he doesnt want to come off as wanting or needy, i sure as hell dont want to either. but he would love that. i know how you love to watch me beg, well here i am. do you like it? yeah yeah, do you like it, yeah yeah... i always think "theres always tonight". theres always the chance my phone will ring and it will be him telling me hes sitting outside my front porch, to come down, we'll go for a ride to the deli. well, tonight my phone will be in the windowsill.
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