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11:29 a.m. ~ 2003-07-23
maybe he just didnt hear me i think im beginning to stretch myself so thin, im gonna start to tear in places. the more people i give too, the thinner i get, the less they get. i make myself emotionally and physically available. im there to talk and hug and unload all of your problems on. but holes cannot support any weight. time that ive been craving for myself is becoming a necessity instead of just a desire. and it bothers me that jeff disregards this idea totally. last night keith and i had plans for drinks and dinner at the manor house. something we've done once a week since january so saying i was going last night was not supposed to be a big deal. i think im gonna come with you guys tonight so jeff came and keith brough kaitlyn, a girl thats expressed a mild interest in him, but has refused to follow through on anything. it was hard to talk to keith while being interrupted by one of our dates every time. it bothered me that one night a week is supposed to be reserved for time with our own friends and now i had to find interesting topics to talk about with kaitlyn. we found out very quickly we have nothing in common and spent most of the night concentrating on our food. i wanted to say no jeff, tell him that this was time that i needed to be alone with my friend and talk to him without feeling guilty that i was doing so. talk to him about whatever came to mind without censoring it. he wouldnt understand. i get a crazy look when i say im going out without him, like its something hes never heard of before. i cant stand feeling guilty for doing nothing wrong.
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