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6:50 p.m. ~ 2003-07-26
can we talk about automatic satisfaction? i think there was about 13 of us at our table at the bar last night, a good number of people to keep the new waitress busy. i found it sad to hear our usual waiter joey would be in arizona for the rest of summer. he takes care of us very well. keith came with his group. he thinks his next trip to cali may be his last to see his future ex girlfriend. turned crazy on him and yelled at him in front of her friends while on the phone. thats not cool. best thing about friday nights is sitting outside our bar in the summer and smoking a cigarette with keith. jeff would have a conniption for a) me smoking (one cigarette a week) and b) being alone with keith for 5 five minutes to do so. jeff left at 10 and i wasnt kissing keith so i enjoyed those 5 minutes with my cigarette very much. i came to the bar with 80, paid 60 (i do not know why it was my job to pay for whoever did not but i did and with no complaints except this one), and found 40 dollars in my bag this morning. i hope this money fairy comes to visit me again because my tuition bill for school is due in two weeks. i had an excellent time dancing with elliots friend jay who is just one of those very friendly people that become your friend in about 2.5 seconds. plus he saved me from jeanette the older lady that physically attacks christine and i with kisses every time she catches us alone. shes usually smashed and half dressed so i try to avoid her at all costs. for the second night in a row i heard dancin with myself and thought of the flowerpot. its been a little over two weeks since we've spoken and i genuinely miss him. i text paged him thursday night and got the reply we should talk soon and i hope we do. im not sure if my feelings for him will ever be resolved but the jumbled way i used to get when thinking about us together has finally begun to fade. i love him, always will but reality should be faced and not only that, its just easier this way. further complications not needed in our situation. i miss telling him i love him. as my friend and as one of the funnest people to talk to. and if i ever get the courage to let him read this one day, he'll know how i felt at this time. i love you. tonights plans are all up in the air. elliots party. cheesecake factory with coworkers. renting a movie and just passing out with jeff. elliot should just bring me a piece of cheesecake and we will watch a video in my living room. all are invited.
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